I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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