there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize