i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
