Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
