a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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