I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize