ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
