I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
