So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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