I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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