I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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