Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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