doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is it penis luge time yet?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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