i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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