I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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