So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
