i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
