im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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