I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize