You're so nebulous sometimes
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
