I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
