i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
