I think my fart just growled at me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
