We got so high we made milksteak
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
