Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
this is an emotional support booty call
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
