First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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