I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
