Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
