i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
wow bdsm is so cute
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize