Screwed.edu
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i wish my penis had a tongue
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
