i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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