the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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