I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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