Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
