You really coming over, don't trick.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
