Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
