I can tuck mytits in my pants
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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