Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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