How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it glows. i had to have it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
