3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We're too hungover to prance.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
