I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
