Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
