i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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