I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
