whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we're making bets on your personal life
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
