she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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