So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dignity is for republicans.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
