Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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