I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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