He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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