Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
jump out the window naked night went bad
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
