I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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