Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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