I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
