If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
