return my video game
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
not ubering you a puppy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
