I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
