I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
