He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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