His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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