I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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