last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
