My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
