I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
