maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
