Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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