I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
